I have never really liked to be an example. Usually as a kid if someone said they were going to " make an example out of you" it meant you were going to get in trouble and they were going to use the consequences to let other kids know they better not even think about doing anything such as you had just done. Or sometimes worse, if you did something right and you were made an example then there was a standard you had to live up to.
Maybe it is wrong or bad, but I like being average. I have always looked average. Never really turning heads walking in a room, but I don't think I have ever been called " a dog" either :) I have always been an average athlete, never MVP, but I was able to contribute to the team. I always hates softball though because of having to be up to bat and everyone watching just you.
Grades were the same way, a B average was okay with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be invisible or hidden, but never really wanted to be the one people were whispering about either. Being the " Go To" girl was not my dream.
I think that there are a lot of girls like me out there and that is why the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer has been such a huge hit. The heroine , Bella was like that, just wanting to make it through high school and not cause any ripples and when she falls in love with a vampire and he loves her back, it puts her right in harms way of much more than she could ever imagine. When, by the fourth book, she has become so much more than she thought she could be and she ends up being very special, almost destined to greatness, even though she was unwilling to step up to the plate. This theme resonated with every girl who longs to only be average because deep down inside she is afraid that she really is just average and if she is made an example she will eventually fail.
What does this have to do with an adoption and on an adoption blog?
As much as I long to adopt a baby and as much as I feel God has called us to do it, that its not just a whim or a phase, I don't want to be an example. To those who think we shouldn't adopt a baby of another color. To those who think three children are enough. To those who don't understand why we would even want to.
I don't even want to be a biblical example of a christian who follow James 1:27 and looks after orphans. Why? Why if God has called us to it wouldn't I want others to look and to learn of His Love and how He made all colors of skin and loves us all the same. To witness His provision to care for more children and that they are a heritage unto Him. To teach others that when we care for the least of these we are caring for Him. Shouldn't I be excited for that? Why do I shy away from that part of adoption?
Because I'm scared.
Scared that I might fail as a mother to a child that doesn't have the same heritage as my own. Scared that our extended family wont except him and that I will feel defensive and hateful to them. Scared we won't have enough money to get through this process and raise more children.
Then He whispers something so simple yet so profound to me....I can't, but He can.
He brings back verses to my mind that I learned as a child like,"The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it" and "Cast your cares upon Him for He careth for you."
The one that sealed the deal on my questioning was "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
See, I'm not average.I am victorious. My life doesn't belong to myself. I gave it to Jesus as a little girl and it wasn't just a ticket to heaven, it should encompass every part of my being.
We teach our children to be "a sermon in shoes", we tell them to let their " little lights shine". Well, then, I am not going to shirk my responsibilities and calling just because it might make me uncomfortable to be the topic of conversation or the reason for debate.
So, if you think we are crazy or you have negative things to say, I am sorry. My life is not my own...I am bought with a price. So yeah...I'm an example.
